Twitter, the town square of the Internet. (Or is that TikTok now?) You come to it for the news of the day, to know what your friends are talking about, and to find out if the town cow has recovered from its illness yet. Bessie is still suffering from dropsy, you learn, but she’s recovering quickly. It’s a marketplace of ideas and information, or at least it was supposed to be, until the internet does what the internet always does, and ruins things. Now it’s more like a garage sale of mountains of junk. 

But if you’re a good scavenger, you’ll find some gems for a good price. Luckily for you, you don’t have to dumpster-dive, because we’ve already done that for you. We’ve collected and collated some of the best, hot-of-the-presses tweets for you to bring back home to your wife and kids.