Picture this: It’s August 2022. As the world continues to struggle with a pandemic, and the United States is facing a scary recession, Americans seem to have gained some much-needed perspective. Instead of jumping at the opportunity to go full Karen at the drop of the hat, people are taking deep breaths, and learning not to sweat the small stuff. «Let people live» has become the country’s motto, and the internet is a happy place. Instead of raging comment sections, people share compliments, advice, and well-wishes with strangers who are miles and miles away. It’s a beautiful image. Finally, we can admit to disliking a Marvel movie without having a bunch of basement-dwelling neckbeards jump down our proverbial throats. 

Unfortunately, the scenario I am describing is pure fantasy. Peace doesn’t seem to be an option. In fact, people seem to be willing to have a full-on temper tantrum and create mountains out of incredibly insignificant molehills. While we have long expected and endured this sort of behavior from Twitter, the place where these sorts of heretics really go apeshit is Facebook, the chosen internet home of semi-literate boomers, car selfie-takers, and stay-at-home MLM moms. 

The most recent hot-button issue comes courtesy of Cracker Barrel. In an attempt to accommodate people with plant-based diets (or, perhaps, who don’t eat pork), the chain restaurants have started serving up Impossible breakfast sausage.  Naturally, the decision was controversial to people with high cortisol levels and they just had to make it political.