Twitter still has a chokehold on us discourse-lovers even if the rest of the world thinks it’s a failing website. Sure, a lot of the discourse has ventured over to TikTok, where the duets and comments flow like water, but some of us are still true to the app that bore us. 

Sure, things have gone downhill since Elon took the helm, but now it’s like the Wild Wild West. Things are a little rotten and a little tough, but those of us who have stuck it out are like cowboys. We roam around looking for gold. We may not find it, but we definitely will find a little illegal hooch and some fun times. And maybe a snake. But lucky for you, you don’t have to venture out into the desert. You can be right here, enjoying the spoils without going anywhere. These are the sacrifices we make for you.