Twitter has a new main character this week, complete with a wild and unexpected backstory. I’ve found that most of the «Twiter Main Characters» tend to be parents who make mind-numbing decisions regarding raising their family. One of the most infamous of these characters is the Bean Dad, who sat idly by and watched his young daughter struggle to open a can of beans with a can opening for hours without helping her. Earlier this year, a parent described supporting their adopted kid’s emotional needs (and washing their hair) as «emotional labor.» These are people who we can all hate without shame. They make abject parenting choices and choose to broadcast them on the internet with no self-awareness whatsoever.

The newest main character shared what she thought might be an amusing anecdote about how she usually throws out all of her kid’s Halloween candy but forgot this year, much to their surprise. Not only was she roasted by Twitter for this cruelty, but Twitter discovered that she was also the main figure in an infidelity scandal within the University of Chicago Philosophy department.