Every eager cook with a limited pantry knows the familiar sinking feeling of online recipe searching. All you want is something tasty, quick, cheap, and easy for dinner tonight. That’s only four simple criteria, right? 

Not if we’re glancing at most of those SEO optimized recipe blogs, it isn’t. They’ll offer a stir fry with a twist, and the twist is that you have to source an ingredient that can only be found in a overpriced niche grocery store an hour’s drive away. That, or you inexplicably have to put something in the slow cooker for two days. 

It’s enough to make even the most talented chef rely on substitutions. The thing is, being able to do this is a talent that not everybody has. This is why so many recipe comment sections are filled with people who do laughable things in the name of cheffing. Everybody makes mistakes, but some of the ones below are especially dumb.