I’ve got good news, and I’ve got bad news. The good news is that a former US Intelligence Agent testified under oath that alien bodies were found in unidentified flying objects that the government found. The bad news is that even if that’s true, we will probably never learn the details of this finding. The government has a real problem with any normal people knowing anything about intelligent life on other planets. If the president or any other high-up government official is reading this, I just want to say I can totally be trusted with any details about intelligent being visiting the earth. It’s not going to be like Independence Day at all, and if it is, I’ll be a Will Smith or Jeff Goldblum type. 

As these things tend to go, the video of the hearing has gone viral on Twitter, inspiring many reactions from boredom to excitement to skepticism.