When you marry someone who already has kids, you have to be incredibly sensitive about how you’re going to integrate yourself into these kids’ lives. After all, their mom or dad marrying someone else is way more difficult for them than it is for you, so in most cases, it’s best to take it slow and let the kids take the lead. Some kids are willing to refer to their parent’s new husband/wife as their stepdad/stepmom immediately, but that’s more the exception than the rule. A lot of kids will take a pretty long time to start liking their parent’s new partner, let alone see them as a strong parental figure in their lives. Some kids never really get to a parental place with their parents’ husband or wife; they simply cohabitate and try to keep the peace as much as they can, despite not having a real connection.