We all understand the trauma of losing your mom in the grocery aisle…She said meet at aisle 4, you heard aisle 5…and suddenly you’ve unlocked years full of wounds to overcome.

Name a better feeling than seeing her oblivious face 7 seconds later. Not even the end of Averger’s Endgame saw a reunion like this.

There are 5 different essential members without the Grocery-Store family: Firstly, we have our common, yet very boring, List Loyalist, the mother of the group. She always, and we mean always, has an alphabetized, color-coded shopping list. And if even one item on her list is out of stock…god help us all. Then we’ve got Dad on a Mission, their intentions are good, yet their executions are weak. Even if the store hung up a gigantic neon sign that read, «Ketchup in Aisle 3,» they would still ask where the ketchup is being ‘hidden.’ It’s as though feminine hygiene products are more confusing than their careers in investment banking…

Next, we have our special Sampling Scavenger, who’s either 7 or 79 years old, there’s no in between. A cheese and bread connoisseur, but only when entering the delicate doors of Costco. On the hunt for their next toothpick, they’re lurking every corner for their next dip of olive oil…And last but not least, we have the Aisle Anchor, a tantrum in the form of a little human. The member whose only form of communication is signs, eyerolls, and the occasional, ‘But I want to go NOW!’ with their preferred mode of transport being dragged by their mother’s ankles.