She can’t house four children; she’s barely hanging on with her own baby.

If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you know that in case of an emergency, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. That might seem like intuitive instructions, but many people instinctively help others before ensuring they’re okay first. It’s drilled into parents that they need to put their kids before themselves at every juncture, and that’s not always the best practice. A mother can’t be the best mother to her child if she is not taking care of herself, and making self-care a priority is a lot easier said than done. 

There’s a famous quote about putting your own house in order, which can be interpreted in many different ways. I think one helpful interpretation is that you really can’t help someone else with something you haven’t mastered yourself. You can’t feed your neighbor if you don’t know where your next meal comes from, and that’s not selfish. It is basic self-preservation. If you offer to babysit your sister’s kids when you’re on the verge of breaking down from the stress of caring for your own kid, that act of service is going to do more harm than good to everyone involved.