Welcome to the strange and confusing universe of Steven, a grown man who recently decided parenting isn’t about biology, responsibility, or unconditional love—it’s about spiritual vibes and cosmic compatibility. After fourteen years of seemingly successful parenting, Steven suddenly developed a severe case of selective soul alignment syndrome, in which a parent decides that their kid isn’t harmonizing properly with their personal soul wavelength.

Believing in an imaginary spirit test that his daughter somehow failed, Steven has decided the solution is to reboot his parenthood with a fresh kid. You see, family relationships apparently function like phone upgrades: if your teenager doesn’t sync with your astral cloud storage, you simply trade them in for a newer, spiritually shinier model. Of course, all of this revelation conveniently came from his own mother, certified expert in parental meddling and cosmic DNA evaluations, who generously guided Steven onto this questionable path of spiritual enlightenment.

Remember, there’s nothing spiritual about selfishness, and there are definitely no refunds on parenthood.