Some families reconnect with a group hug and a pizza. Others prefer a more theatrical approach, launching surprise reunions with legal threats, a slideshow presentation of new step-siblings, and the emotional finesse of a tax audit. There’s a fine tradition in certain families of treating «family bonding» like jury duty: your number gets called, and suddenly you’re drafted to play Happy Son in a reunion special nobody asked for, complete with bonus relatives and freshly squeezed stress.

The idea of forced reconciliation is a goldmine, starring absentee parents who believe that a DNA test result is a golden ticket to instant affection, and family court is the new group therapy. You can’t visit for seventeen years? Not a problem, just roll up with a new husband, a signature scent of desperation, and a ready-made tribe of shiny half-siblings, all eager for their obligatory «family» selfie before you age out of the court’s jurisdiction.