Becoming a new parent is supposed to be focused on raising a tiny human, and it is for most. But for this couple, thanks to a grandmother whose hobby is emotional blackmail, the experience turned into an exhausting relay of boundary enforcement, guilt-trip marathons, and record-breaking comparisons to the in-laws-because nothing says «family bonding» like competing for custody of someone else’s baby.

Here, the grandmotherly love language isn’t lullabies or knit booties, but a steady stream of unsolicited medical conspiracy links and photo ops aggressively staged for her own social media clout. Forget about following the pediatrician’s advice, because Grandma knows a three-month-old can totally handle a blueberry and probably a steak if she really wanted.