It’s a well-documented phenomenon that as men age, we slowly revert to our primal selves. Call it a midlife crisis, call it evolution in reverse, but at some point, the modern man begins speaking less, grunting more, and marking his territory with a well-worn recliner. The man cave isn’t just a place—it’s the gateway to his ancestral roots. And dads? Dads are leading the charge back to the Stone Age, complete with an aversion to leaving their den for anything that requires socializing or wearing a button-down.  

Take this Future Father-in-Law, who I’m guessing it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that the pull of his natural instincts is stronger. The cave is warm, the television is glowing, and the big game is the mammoth he’s hunting. Any event that requires interaction outside the tribe, in this case–immediate family or living room furniture lacking a dent in the shape of his majestic physique, is a threat to be avoided. The grunts grow louder, the visits grow fewer, and before you know it, he’s mastered the ancient art of dodging anything that requires human connection, or food you can’t eat like an otter.