Friends, compatriots, blue-collar workers, and the corporate elite: we are gathered here to honor a dearly departed friend, taken away far too soon by the hands of the Klondike corporation. I am talking, of course about our beloved Chaco Taco. Never before has a dessert dared to combine the utility of a taco with the dessert flavorings of chocolate and ice cream. If you’ve patronized a middle school cafeteria in the past 20 years, you know how the Chaco Taco lives in the hearts and digestion tracks of millions. It’s hard to know why this seminal dessert has departed from this earthly realm so young, but at least we have the comfort of some post-mortem memes.