Sometimes you think you really know someone, then you realize that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

With all the ways in which we grow and change, getting to know a person that we are close to can be a lifelong process. After all, none of us has complete access to the interior lives of others, and it could be argued that we are never truly sure what somebody else is thinking.

These gaps in understanding can also be a lot more basic and pedestrian than trying to dive into the murky depths of someone’s soul. It is amazing how far we can sometimes get in relationships without grasping certain facts about our partners. For example, my mom likes to tease my dad about how, after several years of marriage, he asked her if she could play a musical instrument (he had never seen her touch anything more musical than a karaoke machine).

While we can all be guilty of not filling in the gaps when it comes to getting to know our partners, there are levels to this. Maybe there is some slightly obscure icebreaker question that you don’t know the answer to, but you should be aware of the essentials. It gets to a point where it stops being funny and starts being concerning.