Food is supposed to be something that brings people together, but that isn’t always the case.

In fact, it can easily be used as a means of conflict and exclusion. Weaponizing what you cook and eat is an all-too-common phenomenon, and it is big family gatherings like birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas where it is most likely to happen. As if there wasn’t enough potential for drama, what happens in the kitchen and at the dining table only adds to it.

Of course, those who host and contribute to these kinds of celebrations should be conscientious of the preferences and needs of everybody who is attending. That is just a display of basic consideration. It can sometimes be impossible to make everybody happy, but it is making the effort that counts (as well as trying not to respond to any provocation). 

Unfortunately, when people have decided that they want to make a point with food, it can turn out to be difficult to resolve. Almost always, it represents some kind of underlying issue that they have decided is best expressed in this way. This can prove upsetting and confusing, but it is not something that anybody should have to put up with.