«Only in New York» is such an overused sentiment. As a New Yorker who often feels as though I’ve seen it all, something about it can feel a bit off, or self-congratulatory. But then I remember «What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,» and am glad that my fellow city-dwellers simply love to share stories that are often an amalgam of funny, rude, and just plain insane.
One of my favoriteNew York City tales is from well over a decade ago. I think I was taking the train home to my internet-less, stoveless, centipede-plagued basement studio in the East Village after a tearful post-breakup night out. It’s not the longest ride, but it feels very lonely when you’re already depressed and going home to a dungeon is less than exciting. After riding a stop in an empty car (a not-so-rare occurrence on the M train at the time), a man jumped in. I’d seen him before. His hair was tied into a flashy du-rag, and he was wearing those beer-goggles, the ones with liquid in them that’s meant to resemble an actual mug of the stuff. I know there were other wild accessories, but I’m getting old and my memory isn’t what it used to be.
Anyway. The sax player proceeded to launch into a tale of how he was actually a space alien sent to Earth to save us from George Bush. While the cause seemed a little dated at that point, I was charmed, and he made me giggle a bit through my teary eyes. I gave him some money to help him on his mission, and he proceeded to plant himself next to me and play a warm solo that completely reversed my horrid mood. People still talk about him.
The memory returned to me when I saw a thread from Twitter user @DanSaltzstein asking New Yorkers to share their most «New York» stories. While I was disappointed to see that my extraterrestrial buddy hadn’t made the list, the string of silly and strange stories warmed even this jaded heart.
New Yorkers: what’s the most New York thing that’s ever happened to you?
I once asked to use the bathroom at Kim’s Video and the guy behind the counter, who looked like Napoleon Dynamite with a lot of piercings, rolled his eyes and said, «you aren’t going to shoot up, are you?»
— Dan Saltzstein (@dansaltzstein) February 5, 2022