For this 60-something-year-old couple, retirement was supposed to be about cruises, golf, and not knowing what day it is. Instead, it’s frozen pizza and bankrolling adult children who treat the parental wallet like a lifelong rewards program. The plan was simple: sixty-something, married, and finally clocking out for good, until the realization hits that the family nest now doubles as adult day care.

When I think about retirement, which I don’t because I’m 33 and one thing I am not is delusional, but for the sake of this text, let’s say I am, I think of sitting around in my own garden, reading books, listening to good music, and basically doing nothing else.