We know time is relative. A minute microwaving leftover lasagna feels like an hour trapped in limbo, but three hours with a new crush whiz by faster than you can say whatever you’re saying for three hours.

In the elastic ticking of the universe, five days isn’t much, unless, of course, you’re five days out of a C-section, clutching a newborn, and relying on your own mother for support.

Freshly discharged from the hospital, our new mom finds herself at her childhood home, expecting the «it takes a village» treatment and getting «it takes an audience» instead. Grandma’s transformation began as soon as the last bit of applause faded.