She’s punishing an innocent child for something she has no control over.

It’s far too common for adults to put children in the middle of conflicts they’re having with other adults. Anyone who has watched the hit reality show Dance Moms knows this. Dance teacher Abby Lee Miller will be in the middle of a fight with one of the titular dance moms, and she’ll turn to said mom’s daughter and say, «Do you see how your mother treats me?» That makes the child feel conflicted about whether to side with her mother or her teacher. It’s bad enough to watch two authority figures fighting each other constantly, but feeling guilty for taking your own mother’s side makes it even worse.

It doesn’t matter how angry you are at your spouse, your child’s dance teacher, or your sister: it’s never okay to use children as pawns to get your way. Intentionally hurting children to prove a point to another adult is just cruelty for cruelty’s sake, and the other adult involved is not going to be as emotionally affected as the child will be. If you are willing to do that to a kid, it’s worth questioning what other duplicitous things you’re eager to do.