You know the spiel—losing a loved one is difficult, point blank. Though it’s grueling to confront your demons at their funeral, it’s integral to healing. Your last chance to say goodbye, the reason that funerals exist in the first place—it’s all a part of the healing process. If you were caught between the first of many hellos and the last chance to honor the loved one you’ve lost, what would you do? No answer is the right answer per se, but ditching a baby shower to attend a funeral is not AH behavior—it is what it is.

Your family members should be understanding of the likely difficult choice between being there for a soon-to-be-born niece/nephew and seeing your late loved one off for their next ethereal journey. You want to be there for both, but science hasn’t figured out how to make that a reality yet.

In this next story, a woman’s mom tries to guilt-trip her into feeling like she’s made a terribly wrong decision by choosing to attend a family friend’s funeral instead of her brother’s baby shower. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet the little one—they’re not even born yet—but there is only one chance to say goodbye to a loved one lost. This is it. Scroll to read the full story below.