Guys… the new Pope is a Midwesterner. I don’t think I ever thought I would live to see the day. Probably none of us did. The thought that the Pope is from a country that is centuries younger than the papacy itself is crazy, first of all. And then the fact that he’s from the Midwest, an objectively down-home and funny place to be from. And then that he’s from Chicago… c’mon. The jokes write themselves. Maybe he’s the first Pope to have ever tried Malört. Maybe he’s the first Pope to have absolutely housed a Culver’s butter burger. 

We know he’s a White Sox fan, even though the Cubs tried to claim him first. It all just feels… incongruous. The Pope is supposed to be like… ancient and elusive, not some guy from Cook County. More power to him, though. He’s representing us in ways that we never even thought possible.