Is it cardio day already? Just kidding, you’re a runner; every day is cardio day.
Avoiding the weight room like the plague, runners are a different breed of fitness freak. Unlike their bloated, powerful, tire-wielding comrades over in the CrossFit arenas, runners are out in the fields, running for hours in total, in perfect solitude. Trails zip by their peripheries, bushes slap at their ankles, and they return home covered in dust and sweat. Perfectly happy to maintain a healthy 180BPM heart rate, runners were never born to be like other athletes; they’re built different.
Other athletes kick a ball, swing a stick, or acrobatically launch themselves in all directions to take part in their sport, often sprinkling in a sprint or two here and there to spice up gameplay. Runners, on the other hand, don’t play games. They stripped down the entire athletics handbook and decided to just do the hard part of every sport: Run.
Perhaps it’s because runners aren’t any good at games or because they naturally lack the hand-eye coordination required to play them, but in a way, runners believe their pure rendition of athletics is the best version. Wouldn’t anyone think that their thing is the best thing? Alas, that’s why runners are inherently insufferable, and after the 5th «wow that’s crazy» response to a story about how they got 1,278th place in a marathon, runners will never catch the hint that nobody else is interested.
That’s okay, though, because one day, that same party-trick-spinning runner will encounter another, like-minded carbo-loading individual, and they’ll never stop yapping. Driven by passion and pursuit, runners glob together like the last two Cheerios in the cereal bowl, refusing to part ways until the last 100m of a race. Someone has to win, right?
Boiling down every training day and every early morning long run to the last few seconds of a race, runners will always find themselves in a stalemate with their own competitiveness, seeking the gameplay and the fun of other sports in the raw, instinctive, and purely elated feeling of being a winner… Even if they’re actually 1,277 spots behind 1st.
