‘If Earth Is Round, Then Explain This!!!’: 17 Age of Empires Memes That Bring Us Back to the Dark Ages

Did we all take our responsibilities as rulers of an imaginary civilization in Age of Empires I too seriously?

I would always choose the Egyptians for some reason. Yes, I was one of those kids obsessed with Ancient Egypt, and I still am. I love that Age of Empires was secretly teaching us History. I didn’t find history topics necessarily boring at school, but through the game, I was able to experience History in a very different way. I took my civilizations very seriously, and it made me feel like I was experiencing History in first person.

Ok, it might not have been as historically accurate; I mean, civilizations didn’t evolve by collecting enough berries and clicking a button, but you get my point. Every time I see those simple graphics, I yearn for the long childhood afternoons I spent playing the game. The stakes were enormous.

The other day I was writing an article about The Sims’ possible new AI developments, and it got me thinking about Age of Empires and how much the game could be developed with artificial intelligence. Land could finally be infinite!

But then again, would I actually want that?

Do you remember the WOLOLO! sound? I unlocked so many memories by sourcing these memes that I’m about to download the game and resume playing.

Age of Empires I is from 1997, so it’s from an era where games didn’t need cinematic storytelling or photorealistic graphics to be completely absorbing, and that’s precisely what I like about them: the tiny pixelated people, the repetitive sounds, and the simple animations.

There is something incredibly charming about vintage computer games like Age of Empires. I love to play games like these; I specifically look for them. I’ve played Monkey Island also recently, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I don’t like the newer versions; I prefer the sort of arcade vibe, the limited possibilities, and the slow development.

Before we had any responsibilities, we had civilizations to run. Now I have responsibilities, but I think resuming my duties as ruler of Ancient Egypt is more important.

Though, just like I did with The Sims, I didn’t play to win or achieve the perfect strategy; I just liked putting together pretty scenarios and exploring the game. I think these vintage games are enriched by their limitations; not everything gets better by using the newest technology. Maybe we don’t want games to offer infinite possibilities; life already gives us too many possibilities, and we want games with boundaries to play inside.

All this made me think about Rollercoaster Tycoon; omg, the memories keep coming up. I think I already know what I’m going to do this weekend: I’ll load my computer with all these vintage games, and won’t leave the house.

I hope I come back here next week with a lot of memes and stories to write about. It will be like one of those long weekends when you didn’t have school on Monday, except I’m 30 years old, and I’ll have work.

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