We’ve all heard this classic saying regarding bear safety.

«If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s black, fight back. If it’s white, say goodnight.»

I know darn well that I am not likely to survive a polar bear attack, but I want to at least try! The phrase «say goodnight» really makes it sound like I’m just letting him win, and I will not do that in the event of my polar bear-induced passing. I will give it the old college try, and not let that pasty animal rob me of the dignity that I already don’t have! 

It’s too bad that bears are, across the board, so extremely dangerous. They are just so darn cute and a perfect size to hug that it’s almost criminal that they are totally predators. I wish that every bear would just subsist off of picnic baskets and honey pots instead of being carnivores.