Dating apps really know how to speedrun a life plot twist. One minute, someone is stuck in a decade-long situationship with an unemployed guy who treats her like an ATM with emotions, the next she has a blue-eyed judge opening doors and buying flowers like he read the manual on being a functional adult

The relationship itself is pretty straightforward. Two adults, similar hobbies, she is suddenly cooking like she has a Food Network contract, he is showing up, making plans, talking about kids, treating her like a partner instead of a bailout program. Meanwhile, her friends are in the corner running a background check on his entire demographic category.