Although families sometimes change shape, that doesn’t mean that people who aren’t there anymore have to be forgotten.

Few people expect their spouse and coparent to their kids to leave their lives early, but for one reason or another, it happens all the time. Picking up the pieces while also parenting can feel like an impossible task to take on alone. For this reason, many parents who find themselves single are happy to be able to welcome a new partner into their lives.

However, this does not take away the challenge of having children who have a parent who isn’t there like they used to be. It’s highly likely that they still want to be around them, or at least honor their memory. Taking this away from them because it makes a parent or stepparent uncomfortable is a risky and often inappropriate maneuver. The most likely result of this is not that kids will forgive and forget, but instead harbor resentment about being forced to accept a different reality that doesn’t align with what they want. It is possible to have a successful blended family without trying to erase everything that came before, even if not everyone believes that.