I think the Oreo is a perfect food. It’s been honed and engineered over decades to deliver exactly what we want in every bite. A mix of crispy, creamy, sweet, with just a hint of salt. It’s as addictive a concoction as anything out there. And of course, everyone has their own special way of consuming it. Some freaks just take bites of it. Most people crack it open in some capacity. Some dunk, others drown. I prefer the Oreo on its own, split in half, eating the side with less cream first so I can finish with the side with more cream. It’s guaranteed pleasure every time. 

If I was about to eat an Oreo and someone came along to try to jeopardize that, I would go berserk. But that’s exactly what happened to one unlucky Walmart shopper when a pack of Golden Oreos sparked a showdown that warranted professional intervention. Get the deets.