Listen. We can’t all be Julia Child or Jacques Pepin. Or Guy Fieri, for that matter. But one hopes that in the spirit of survival that we’d all know our way around the kitchen at some point, at least well enough to feed ourselves. Unfortunately, there are some people who seem incapable of using a kitchen for its true purpose: making food. From burning *dry* pasta to melting tea kettles, the cringey instances below deserve spots in the food fail hall of shame.