Hotel cook constantly trauma dumps and complains to her 32-year-old coworker, whom she barely knows: ‘I’m truly sorry that you’ve had so much tragedy in your life, but I do not have the tools to help.’

Why does she think this is appropriate? 

Have you ever had a coworker who is constantly telling you about all the awful things happening in their life but never asks you about anything in yours? I’ve definitely been on the receiving end of this dynamic once or twice, and it can be a bit frustrating. It’s hard to feign interest in someone else’s personal life when they have proven again and again that they only talk to you because you’re a warm body. 

Trauma dumping can be difficult to deal with, even when the trauma dumper is one of your close friends. A friendship can be difficult to maintain when it becomes a therapy session rather than a meeting between two equals who can talk about the good and the bad in their lives. I’m not of the belief that you should never rely on your friends for emotional support, or that you should send texts like, «Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?» However, it’s important to consider your friend’s personal history before you start dumping any information on them. If you know your friend has had trouble with eating in the past, it might not be great to tell them that you haven’t eaten in 3 days. Even if your intent is to seek support, you might still end up upsetting them instead, and you wouldn’t want to do that to a good friend.

The woman in this story is willing to talk about her life to anyone who will listen, regardless of whether they want to or not. 

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