Every day, I wake up and thank God that I’m too old to have grown up with and believed in Elf on a Shelf. For the uninitiated, Elf on a Shelf is a way to take the vague surveillance state of Santa and give it a physical form in your home. Every night, this stuffed elf moves to a different place in your house (parents have to remember to find a new creative spot each night), watching your family and gathering data to bring back to the North Pole. If you touch the elf, it loses its magic, so kids are terrified that they’re going to ruin the Christmas magic if they accidentally graze this doll’s shoulder.  

Even though some kids have a very negative reaction to finding out the truth about Santa and his elves, there are definitely worse things you could do than humor your kids. For instance, posting incredibly cringe things about them on Facebook dot com.