If you don’t have a list on your phone with potential baby names for your future children, what are you even doing? At press time, I am kind of ambivalent about whether I want to have kids, but so help me God, if I come upon a child, I have the perfect name waiting in the woodwork. Having baby names with no intention of having children is kind of like wanting to get married because you want to throw a party. It’s all of the fun with none of the hassle.

Anyone who has actually raised a child knows that most of it is not so fun and creative. Parenting is not about naming your daughter «Alaska» and buying her cool outfits. That might be a part of it, but it’s mostly about helping your kids thrive and succeed every day, which often doesn’t serve the mission of helping yourself thrive and succeed. For that, parents deserve all of the hilarious relatable parenting tweets in the world.