Everyone knows the deepest, most profound wisdom is found on cheap t-shirts. And one such popular statement t-shirt reads: «One boo, no ex, small circle, big checks.»

After you’ve taken a minute to process these complex metaphysical words of wisdom, you’ll see why the 22-year-old should not only do the same, but probably buy that t-shirt for future use.

Friendships, especially those that persist after you’re done with your high school homework, often resemble a yard sale where freeloaders rummage through other people’s wallets convinced they hold store credit everywhere they loiter. Somewhere between couch surfing and cash begging, a certain «friend» perfected the art of turning private savings into communal property, then frowning when the owner dares to spend on hair dye instead of charity for the chronically lazy.