Honestly, who even wants to go to SXSW? Definitely not me. Why would anyone want to stroll through vibrant Austin streets, sipping craft cocktails under strings of glowing lights, feeling inspired by groundbreaking ideas? Gross. 

Like, who actually dreams of spending warm Texas evenings drifting between electrifying live music shows, discovering that unknown band that perfectly encapsulates your entire existence? Definitely not this cynical recluse. 

Networking at rooftop parties at sunset, surrounded by the soft hum of interesting conversations, feeling alive and connected in ways you haven’t felt in years? Sounds exhausting.

And really, who cares about wandering around art installations, eating great food, and laughing freely with strangers who somehow instantly feel like lifelong friends? Not lonely old me—I’d much rather stay at home, aggressively debating my houseplants and doom-rolling jealously through your joyful TikToks. Who cares?