Are you one of those people with 10 trillion reminders that are worth absolutely nada because you forget to check your bloody calendar where you write it down? Do you find it really hard to concentrate on the details, then silently curse yourself later because those details were actually important? What about having trouble listening in general? Or staying on task? I for one, am too easily distracted (Luckily my boss is very forgiving), constantly lose crap, and forget my own goddamn birthday.

Lines at the grocery store are actual hell for me, and I think that the scariest thing in the world is to be bored. My leg constantly vibrates like a washing machine and the corners of my fingernails put my manicurist to shame. My calendar chuckles at me every time I furiously punch the buttons on my keyboard because she (yes, it’s a she) just knows that the only actual thing that will help me remember is a freaking alarm clock. Which I carry on me, by the way. 24/7. It’s a phone, guys. 

When I go out with friends, I am 99 percent zoned out if the cafe has many interesting things to look at. When I get up to start my day, I find it incredibly difficult to do what I had planned out in my head — and instead, I find myself doing literally anything else. A great example would be vacuum cleaning my apartment when I’m supposed to be working on a spreadsheet. On the two-step journey to my vacuum cleaner, I will stumble upon a magazine sitting on the coffee table in my living room that will remind me that I wanted to get that one jacket from H&M about 2 months ago. 

So I hurry to my computer to add it to my booming wishlist that has existed for decades, and oh — there’s an ad! It reads ‘Ever wanted to rollerblade?’. I think about it. Why, yes I have! I then spend the next ten minutes envisioning my life as I, against the odds, a late twenty-something-year-old, become the next world champion at rollerblading. I perform tricks, and people cheer. Boom, I buy rollerblades I can’t afford, forget to pick them up… it’s a whole drama. A miracle happens, I pick them up and I go rollerblading. Twice. This is harder than I thought, I think. The beginning of the end.

So one week later they end up in that special space I have in my closet where you’ll find my other short-lived hyperfixations: a skateboard, a jump rope, a pair of roller skates, and a hula hoop. Don’t even get me started on the scuba diving gear.

If you’ve gotten this far, thinking ‘OMG THAT’S ME’ then join the club. We have a VIP section. Just kidding, none of us would have the mental capacity to run that crap. Andddddd here I am, rambling again. So without further ado, let’s get into the funny, all too relatable, memes!