Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Be sure to breathe from your diaphragm slowly and intently. Count your breaths. Are there a lot? If so, you’re doing this wrong. Tense up your body, but not too much. Now relax it. Are you feeling generally tense from me telling you what to do? If not, you’re doing this right. If so, shut your piehole. Nobody cares about your opinion anyways. Try to let your thoughts float by. Do not meditate on them. Do not acknowledge their existence. They can smell your fear and will attack if you look them in the eye. 

I cannot blame you if you aren’t the biggest fan of guided meditations. In fact, I’m right there with you. For some reason, all of the things about them that are supposed to make me relaxed make me way more anxious than I was before I began. If you’re not relaxed by things that are supposed to be relaxing, you’ll love the following memes.