How long can a talking stage last? Can we please skip to the good part?

I’m currently in a talking stage that feels like a full-time job. It’s not that I want to move extremely fast, but if I’ve already decided you are good enough to have two dates with, it’s because I’ve decided you’re good enough to spend a lot more time with during the week.

I’m not saying we should be boyfriend and girlfriend already, but can we at least rehearse that part and see how it goes? Like, I’m ready for a sleepover, a casual afternoon, a random homemade lunch. I’m not that into the whole dating thing; it feels stilted.

I don’t want to pick an outfit, get ready, take an Uber or the bus, meet you at some cute cafe where we can’t hug, go to the movies, and say goodbye at my front step. Don’t get me wrong; I mean I love those activities, but I also want to spend an afternoon lying in the sun and doing nothing in my backyard.

It pains me that those are considered couple activities, or things that only people who know each other very well do. To me, it’s like I already like you, so I would like to do those activities with you, and if it doesn’t work or one of us doesn’t like them, then fine, we can go our separate ways. But what do you mean I have to wait it out until the talking stage becomes the dating stage, and then the dating stage becomes the boyfriend and girlfriend stage or whatever?

Maybe I’m just being delusional, and this guy doesn’t really want to go out with me, and that’s why we aren’t moving that fast. I mean, it is likely.

I think it’s much easier for some people to date multiple people because they normally like more than one person at a time, or are more open to different experiences and trying new things. I’m actually really closed off in general, and I never like anyone, so for me, getting to the talking stage means something. And with this guy, I had two real-life dates, so in my mind, he is already the one; I mean, nobody gets this far with me.

I know this sounds intense, but I really have no problem if he doesn’t want to date me and just wants to be my friend at this point; I just want to be chill and feel free to hang out regularly in more relaxed spaces.

I want him in my life regardless, and I don’t want to have to control or tone down any interaction. I’m honestly so tired, but I’m not going to push him and ask him out again; that’s my limit. I already did the first time, so I might have to forget him. I don’t have the strength to do this anymore. It’s getting old, guys, and I’m fragile.

Wake me up when the talking stage ends.