It’s reasonable for him to want to make some parenting decisions after all of these years.

When is it okay for a parent’s boyfriend or girlfriend to discipline their child? In many cases, the answer is «never.» Some stepparents have been part of their stepchildren’s lives for years, but still don’t feel they have the right to scold or enforce rules as their parents do. Honestly, that might be the way to do it. It’s better to be safe than sorry, and unless your stepchild considers you their mom or dad, acting in a parental role could lead to resentment. 

Not all stepparents feel like they can’t enforce rules with their stepchildren. After all, they are one of the adults who are around them the most. It would be confusing if one of the adults in your home ignored your bad behavior while the other did not. The most important thing is that stepparents don’t make new rules without the stepchild’s parents’ input. That can cause confusion and resentment, especially if the rules are too strict or contradict existing rules. It’s important to give the kids in your life structure, but if there are so many different rules coming at them from their parents, grandparents, school, and stepparents, you can’t expect them to keep them all straight without becoming a nervous wreck. Household rules need the parents’ stamp of approval before they take effect.