Birthday cake is one of my favorite foods of all time. A homemade cake will do the trick, sure, but nothing quite beats a ready-made grocery store vanilla cake that’s been sitting in the fridge for a day. It’s a low-brow food and I love it. Give me blue icing balloons and a yellow spongey middle. Give me cursive lettering that I will peel off and eat with my fork. Give me a candle to lick icing off of. It’s sugary, it’s creamy, and it reminds me of simpler times. 

It’s a shame that our birthdays are only once a year. I guess nothing is really stopping me from buying a birthday cake at a grocery store right now, but it would remind me too much of that one Sex and the City episode where Miranda eats cake out of the trash. That’s why I’ll have to settle for memes. Low calorie but high reward.